


Open Hearts and Open Hands

by Sigilmancy



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:35:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23907817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sigilmancy/pseuds/Sigilmancy
Relationships: Male Inquisitor/Cassandra Pentaghast
Kudos: 2





	Open Hearts and Open Hands

Having been formerly of some high rank in the Circle of Ostwick and the person from that particular Circle chosen to attend the Conclave as its representative, Imalja was no stranger to being in charge. He thought he could handle the Inquisition, but with each passing day the weight of it was crushing him slowly; unlike in the Circle he really had no one to turn to. True that Cassandra, Cullen, Josephine and Leliana were his advisors and true he did trust them, but not with something like this. His family taught him that showing weakness was not right, and if he had to then it was to be done behind closed doors where no one could see, or with a singular confidant or lover he trusted to not betray those emotions to the people who looked up to him.

Cassandra should have been that person, Imalja had been carrying on a relationship with her for some time now after all, but she was such a strong and confident woman that he felt he had to be the same. So he was dealing with the stress and anxiety all by himself, spending most nights pacing until he was so physically exhausted he collapsed if he wasn't with Cassandra in her chambers and doing whatever it took to keep himself calm and collected the rest of the time.

But after Adamant it was all too much. Imalja had been forced to confront his very worst fears, the truth about the Divine's death at the Conclave was revealed, and Alistair.....was dead. There was no easy way to make the choice between him and Kelda, but when it came down to it all Imalja could think of was which death would have the least amount of impact on those left behind when they made it out.

That incident was some days in the past now; they had come out of the Fade, shut the rift and retaken the fortress. The Wardens had pledged themselves to the Inquisition and he'd taken them despite fears they may still be vulnerable to corruption from Corypheus, and Imalja had returned to Skyhold. But he hadn't come out of his room, and he turned away anyone but servants bringing him food. The world just seemed too large now, and the consequences of his actions too much.

"Imalja?" Cassandra's familiar voice came from the door, and the mage felt himself instantly tense up.

He wanted to call out to her, to tell her he was fine and to just not come in. But his heart was beating too rapidly, and he felt like he couldn't breathe as the sound of her footsteps began to come up the stairs. He couldn't hide the way he had to lean against the wall to stand up, feeling like he'd collapse at any moment even as he heard Cassandra put something down and hurry over to him.

"Come here, sit down." Her voice was firm and steady, her hands guiding Imalja to a chair. "You are having a panic attack, that is all. Breathe." Cassandra knelt down beside him, holding his hands tightly.

Imalja had no idea how long that lasted. Seconds, minutes, hours? Cassandra reassured him every so often, her voice a firm presence amidst all the chaos of his mind, a warmth spreading from her hands to his as she held them until he could breathe again. He stopped shaking, his heart stilled, and the fog lifted so he could finally look up and meet her eyes.

"I....I'm alright, thank you." Imalja managed to push the words out.

"No, you are not." Cassandra looked at him, the concern evident behind her stern gaze. "Stay here. I will go get something from the kitchens to help calm you, and then we are going to talk about whatever is on your mind." Her tone made it clear that was not up for debate, and after a moment to make sure Imalja wasn't going to try to stand up she turned and headed out of the room so she could be back that much faster.

Imalja slumped forward, putting his head in his hands and rubbing his eyes. Talking with Cassandra about everything almost made the panic come back, but at the same time he knew getting it out would help. If anyone was going to understand it was her, she had been with him through the entire thing and as she had once said herself she saw what needed to be done and did it. Maybe his choices were partly influenced by her behavior, by seeing in the moment what had to be done and making that choice. If there had been more time to decide would he have chosen differently? Some part of him wanted to think he might have, or perhaps the burden wouldn't have been so much if he had more time to weigh the options. But there had not been time, he had only seconds to think and choose, and that was a big part of what was eating at him now. He could only pray that somehow talking about it would help, and then things could get back to normal.


End file.
